What Do You See When You Look in the Mirror?

When you look in the mirror, is it a good experience or bad? This simple test provides a giant clue as to whether your body image is positive or negative.

If you look in the mirror and see all the elements of your body that 'aren't good enough' then you need to work on seeing your body, in all it's individual glory, through a different set of eyes.

Every woman - every person - is unique and individual, complete with quirks and imperfections, but the trick is to see the whole package and appreciate it for what it is.

You are an amazing person, whether you're big, small, short, tall, curvacious, slender, black, white, blonde, brunette, blue eyed, hazel eyed, big breasted, small breasted or any other characteristic that may set you apart.... You're YOU and that's what makes you fabulous, without any need for perfection in any area.

Humans, and women especially, tend to be so much harder on ourselves than we would be with anyone else. Consider if you met someone else who had your body and imagine how you would reassure them if they asked if you thought anything was wrong with the way they looked?

One of the most impressionable sayings I ever read was one that said "treat every person you meet as if they are wearing a flashing sign on their head saying 'MAKE ME FEEL SPECIAL'". I suggest you take this beautiful piece of advice one step further and imagine yourself wearing the same sign when you look in the mirror... you deserve it just as much as anyone else.

Self Esteem for Women

“Would you consider yourself someone with high self esteem, or low self esteem?” The natural reaction when asked a question like this may well be “high self esteem of course!”, but the truth may paint a very different picture.

Self esteem for women, especially, seems to be generally lower than it should be, and unfortunately far too often accompanied by poor body image. Why then are so many women subject to this deprecating state of mind? Perhaps it comes back to the natural laws of femininity. You see, a woman in her natural, feminine state has an in-built desire to radiate beauty. It’s the very reason that we women wear make-up, shave our legs, wax our eyebrows, love to shop, etc.

If that desire for beauty extended to finding that which we already have, it would be an absolute blessing. Unfortunately however, the unhealthy side of that desire for beauty, is in seeking it externally and creating unhealthy comparisons to others.

This damaging act of comparison is concerning enough in its own right, but consider who we are really comparing ourselves against. Whether consciously or not, we are most certainly using the media images that we’re constantly bombarded with as a benchmark for what is the ‘right’ size, body shape or look.

The problem with that is this; the women in the media - actresses, singers, models, etc – are in front of the camera for a living! Their livelihood revolves around how good they look with their faces and bodies featured up close and personal on giant screens around the world. I’m certain just about anyone in the same position would make it an absolute priority to ensure there isn’t a scrap of fat to be seen, or a single hair out of place. They have the money, the resources and, most importantly, extreme motivation to ensure that this standard is always maintained – and all too often at the cost of their health.

The other problem with using the media as a benchmark can be found in the simple act of picking up a magazine. It only takes a quick flip through the pages of any women’s fashion magazine to make even a woman with great self esteem feel like a fat pig! Between the scarily thin catwalk models, and the lighting, make up, good photography, and of course airbrushing and photoshop techniques, the end result is that we find ourselves envying a picture of a woman who isn’t even real.

In fact, for a wonderful example of what’s involved in creating the finished look of a model in a print advertisement, I highly encourage you to watch the video that Dove put together as part of their Campaign for Real Beauty.

Naturally none of this is to say that we shouldn’t care about our appearance, or enjoy making ourselves look and feel beautiful, but simply that if we must peg ourselves against a benchmark, perhaps we should consider someone more realistic.

It’s so important to keep ourselves healthy from the inside out, and that includes our mind… Don’t let these unrealistic images of beauty fool you into thinking you’re not good enough the way you are.

My tip for this is to make a list of everything you like about yourself from the inside out. In fact, one exercise I did was to go through my body parts one by one and write down why I loved them. I can assure you that when I got to my thighs, I found it a little challenging, but I managed to come up with how much I love that they are strong and carry me wherever I want to go!

Don’t let the negative thoughts creep in, they are like a cancer for your mind… find reasons to love everything about who you are, in all your fabulous individuality!

My Personal Story - an Introduction

How many times have you looked in the mirror and seen something you don’t like? It happens to the best of us, we get caught up in what we ‘should’ look like. Thighs are too big, hair is too straight, too many freckles, breasts are too small… the list could go on, and for many of us it does. The question is, are you loving who you are and keen to further improve yourself, or are you getting caught in the old “I’ll be happy when…”? “I’ll be happy when I weigh only X kg”, “I’ll be happy when I get a boob job”, I’ll be happy when I have this or that done”.

The truth is that happiness isn’t a place, person, operation, destination or weight goal. Happiness is a feeling, and it’s entirely within our control as to if, and when, we feel it or not. The challenge many of us face is that we’re always searching for something externally to make us feel good rather than finding it within.

I know this, because I spent most of my life not liking what I saw in the mirror. I was Bulimic for 8 years and ALWAYS thought I was too fat. It wasn’t until I was looking back in hindsight, that I realised my problems never had anything to do with my weight. I’m 5’2” and at my very heaviest I was only 55kg (121lb), but I thought I was a huge, hideous monster. I was never happy unless I was down to 48kg (106lb), which – funnily enough – only seemed to happen when I was even more depressed, or on the ‘break up diet’ when I’d split with a partner. Most of the time I was never more than about 50kg (110lb) yet I absolutely believed that I would only be happy when these last 2kg (4.4lb) had dropped.

2kg? How could 2 measly kilograms really dictate whether or not I was happy? From the outside in, it was easy to see that I had a problem unrelated to my weight, but as the person experiencing this, it was all I could think about. In fact ‘think’ is too mild a word. I was obsessed. I would starve myself for days, only to binge on huge amounts of food which I would then purge, several times a day. This was a destructive, cyclic pattern and it was ruining my life, my relationships and my health. Even now, years later, my digestive system doesn’t function properly and I have irrepairable damage to my teeth from all the purging.

I tried everything I could think of to make the changes I knew I needed. I went to counselors, support groups, psychiatrists, nutritionists, everything… you name it, I tried it. What I hadn’t tried at that point, is to truly understand that I needed to fall in love with me, just the way I was. When I was 26, I started working one on one with Nina, a very intuitive life coach who helped me search inside myself to find the answers I was looking for.

There were many months of tears, frustration and soul searching… but eventually there was peace. I was able to understand why I was using food as an emotional crutch and what the real cause of my behaviour was. You see, the eating disorder was simply a vehicle for dealing with the real issues, and once I knew what they were, I was able to address them directly.

Today I am happy, healthy and loving who I am. I’m still human, I still have bad days, and I still have an ‘ideal weight’ that I’d like to get to… but it doesn’t dictate my life and I love myself regardless… squishy bits and all.