Life of the Party

Here's an article with a fun edge about being the life of the party that I thought I'd share with you all this week... enjoy

“Being the Life of the Party and How to Become More Likeable”

Being the life of the party is not about behaving like Leona Hellmsley, who thought that she was the life and soul of every party, but ended at Sing Sing having a party in solitary.

Self-esteem is not the in-your-face kind but it is quietly the confident way in which you stride into a room and the way you address others. You are so confident about yourself that you do not need to impose your views on others and they will be drinking in what you have to say.

There is this “socializing coach” from Bernardston, Massachusetts who says that being the life of the party is not about hogging the spotlight but about “engaging others.” This gentleman goes on to say that being the life of the party can be a lonely life “because you have to be willing to do extreme stunts to create memorable moments revelers will recant to their children and their children’s children.” You remember Coco the clown or the old Charlie Chaplin movies; you still recall their antics to your children and your grandchildren. That is the way you will go down in history! I rest my case.

Let’s get down to the brass-tacks. These are some of things which you should not do ever.

• Do not go dressed like Batman or Catwoman. Wear well-tailored clothes that fit you like a second skin and you are hardly conscious of wearing them.
• Do not walk into the room blowing a didgeridoo. You will look like the most priceless ass.
• Do not walk up to people and look them in the eye unless you want a poke in the eye.
• Do not circulate, making compliments to every guest. You will be spotted for a phony right away.
• Do not talk about the current situation of health care or about Iraq to show off your knowledge. It’s passé.
• Do not flirt outrageously. Flirting is an art and unless you are good at it, lay off.
• Do not talk about your investments or your adventures on the NYSE.
• Do not attempt to introduce people to one another. One small mistake of introducing a woman to her husband could end up with an egg on your face.

This is what you do to be the life of the party.

• Be confident about yourself. Remember the Talmud injunction? It says that no one can make you feel small unless you allow them to do so.
• Cast that 1000 watt smile of yours and it should come well from within you. People can spot a false smile a mile away.
• The key is lies in being interested and be interesting. This is what Katherine Hepburn once told Christopher Reeves,” Be interesting, Christopher.”
• Finally like the poet Browning once said, “Best be yourself” and you will be far more interesting that way. Simple isn’t it?

Traits Super-Confident People Have and How You Can Acquire Them

"The way you treat yourself sets the standard for others."
- Dr Sonya Friedman

Yoda, the character from Star Wars, whose reptilian smugness we have been encouraged to mistake for wisdom, is one character who oozes self-confidence and is no great shakes in the looks department. But, Yoda’s self confidence comes through his self esteem, that he is far superior to the earthlings.

Who doesn’t know Katherine Hepburn? She had oodles of self confidence. Or you name, Lauren Bacall…this lady too had it. You know, Katherine Hepburn was not an extraordinary woman to look at. But by jove, she had It. She would walk into a room and every man there would make a beeline towards her. Whether you count on Jeff Bezos, or Richard Branson…they were all just ordinary like me and you, but made the difference through their level of super confidence.

Take my word for it…Self confidence comes from self-esteem. If you think badly about yourself, it is going to come true in the way you carry yourself, the way you talk, the way you dress and the way you react to others around you. A Dior or a Versace will do nothing for you unless you are self-confident and are able to carry it off by forgetting that you are wearing them.
What is so special about super-confident people?

Believe in Yourself
Believe in your own abilities, your own strengths and weaknesses, and never be burdened by doubts.

Do Not Force Your Idea
Never force your idea or views on others for you must be so sure that others will give you a fair hearing and cone around to your way of thinking.

Take Your Stand Yourself
Do not ever seek the approval of others or sit there like a Lab, with a dumb chum look, tail-a wagging, or waiting for a doggy treat.

Don’t Be Egoistic
Do not behave like Ted Turner at all! The bloke is alleged to have said, “If I only had a little humility, I’d be perfect.”

Never Demand, but Earn Respect
A person with self-confidence does not demand his or her rights; but expect them as a matter of course. Why? Have you not seen at one of those swanky restaurants, the maître, the sommelier and the steward literally at the beck and call of a particular diner? It isn’t money talking but the bearing, the total self-esteem and Oomph (if the diner is a woman).

Smile Puts You Ahead of All
Have the hint of a smile that touches your eyes. Do not smile like Count Vlad of Drakul salivating over his midnight snack, nor do you smile like Larry Ellison. Now you get the picture, don’t you?

Never Boast of Yourself
Don’t blow your own trumpet for no one is interested in it. Lion never proclaims itself as a King of the Jungle, yet everyone knows it.

Feel Good about Yourself… But Being Self-Conscious Never Works
Be confident of the way you look. Self esteem comes from being very comfortable of the way you are as long as you are not like the guy who found himself so handsome that he took a self-portrait with a Polaroid every night before bed to preserve the moment.

Understand Your Purpose of Being
Remember, you are here for a purpose and it is up to you to discover what you mission is and start working towards achieving it.

You are Indeed Special!
Everyone is special in this world and you must be sure of your worth. That’s the secret of Super-Confident people. Brace yourself for you are indeed special!

Self Esteem for Women

“Would you consider yourself someone with high self esteem, or low self esteem?” The natural reaction when asked a question like this may well be “high self esteem of course!”, but the truth may paint a very different picture.

Self esteem for women, especially, seems to be generally lower than it should be, and unfortunately far too often accompanied by poor body image. Why then are so many women subject to this deprecating state of mind? Perhaps it comes back to the natural laws of femininity. You see, a woman in her natural, feminine state has an in-built desire to radiate beauty. It’s the very reason that we women wear make-up, shave our legs, wax our eyebrows, love to shop, etc.

If that desire for beauty extended to finding that which we already have, it would be an absolute blessing. Unfortunately however, the unhealthy side of that desire for beauty, is in seeking it externally and creating unhealthy comparisons to others.

This damaging act of comparison is concerning enough in its own right, but consider who we are really comparing ourselves against. Whether consciously or not, we are most certainly using the media images that we’re constantly bombarded with as a benchmark for what is the ‘right’ size, body shape or look.

The problem with that is this; the women in the media - actresses, singers, models, etc – are in front of the camera for a living! Their livelihood revolves around how good they look with their faces and bodies featured up close and personal on giant screens around the world. I’m certain just about anyone in the same position would make it an absolute priority to ensure there isn’t a scrap of fat to be seen, or a single hair out of place. They have the money, the resources and, most importantly, extreme motivation to ensure that this standard is always maintained – and all too often at the cost of their health.

The other problem with using the media as a benchmark can be found in the simple act of picking up a magazine. It only takes a quick flip through the pages of any women’s fashion magazine to make even a woman with great self esteem feel like a fat pig! Between the scarily thin catwalk models, and the lighting, make up, good photography, and of course airbrushing and photoshop techniques, the end result is that we find ourselves envying a picture of a woman who isn’t even real.

In fact, for a wonderful example of what’s involved in creating the finished look of a model in a print advertisement, I highly encourage you to watch the video that Dove put together as part of their Campaign for Real Beauty.

Naturally none of this is to say that we shouldn’t care about our appearance, or enjoy making ourselves look and feel beautiful, but simply that if we must peg ourselves against a benchmark, perhaps we should consider someone more realistic.

It’s so important to keep ourselves healthy from the inside out, and that includes our mind… Don’t let these unrealistic images of beauty fool you into thinking you’re not good enough the way you are.

My tip for this is to make a list of everything you like about yourself from the inside out. In fact, one exercise I did was to go through my body parts one by one and write down why I loved them. I can assure you that when I got to my thighs, I found it a little challenging, but I managed to come up with how much I love that they are strong and carry me wherever I want to go!

Don’t let the negative thoughts creep in, they are like a cancer for your mind… find reasons to love everything about who you are, in all your fabulous individuality!

My Personal Story - an Introduction

How many times have you looked in the mirror and seen something you don’t like? It happens to the best of us, we get caught up in what we ‘should’ look like. Thighs are too big, hair is too straight, too many freckles, breasts are too small… the list could go on, and for many of us it does. The question is, are you loving who you are and keen to further improve yourself, or are you getting caught in the old “I’ll be happy when…”? “I’ll be happy when I weigh only X kg”, “I’ll be happy when I get a boob job”, I’ll be happy when I have this or that done”.

The truth is that happiness isn’t a place, person, operation, destination or weight goal. Happiness is a feeling, and it’s entirely within our control as to if, and when, we feel it or not. The challenge many of us face is that we’re always searching for something externally to make us feel good rather than finding it within.

I know this, because I spent most of my life not liking what I saw in the mirror. I was Bulimic for 8 years and ALWAYS thought I was too fat. It wasn’t until I was looking back in hindsight, that I realised my problems never had anything to do with my weight. I’m 5’2” and at my very heaviest I was only 55kg (121lb), but I thought I was a huge, hideous monster. I was never happy unless I was down to 48kg (106lb), which – funnily enough – only seemed to happen when I was even more depressed, or on the ‘break up diet’ when I’d split with a partner. Most of the time I was never more than about 50kg (110lb) yet I absolutely believed that I would only be happy when these last 2kg (4.4lb) had dropped.

2kg? How could 2 measly kilograms really dictate whether or not I was happy? From the outside in, it was easy to see that I had a problem unrelated to my weight, but as the person experiencing this, it was all I could think about. In fact ‘think’ is too mild a word. I was obsessed. I would starve myself for days, only to binge on huge amounts of food which I would then purge, several times a day. This was a destructive, cyclic pattern and it was ruining my life, my relationships and my health. Even now, years later, my digestive system doesn’t function properly and I have irrepairable damage to my teeth from all the purging.

I tried everything I could think of to make the changes I knew I needed. I went to counselors, support groups, psychiatrists, nutritionists, everything… you name it, I tried it. What I hadn’t tried at that point, is to truly understand that I needed to fall in love with me, just the way I was. When I was 26, I started working one on one with Nina, a very intuitive life coach who helped me search inside myself to find the answers I was looking for.

There were many months of tears, frustration and soul searching… but eventually there was peace. I was able to understand why I was using food as an emotional crutch and what the real cause of my behaviour was. You see, the eating disorder was simply a vehicle for dealing with the real issues, and once I knew what they were, I was able to address them directly.

Today I am happy, healthy and loving who I am. I’m still human, I still have bad days, and I still have an ‘ideal weight’ that I’d like to get to… but it doesn’t dictate my life and I love myself regardless… squishy bits and all.