Life of the Party

Here's an article with a fun edge about being the life of the party that I thought I'd share with you all this week... enjoy

“Being the Life of the Party and How to Become More Likeable”

Being the life of the party is not about behaving like Leona Hellmsley, who thought that she was the life and soul of every party, but ended at Sing Sing having a party in solitary.

Self-esteem is not the in-your-face kind but it is quietly the confident way in which you stride into a room and the way you address others. You are so confident about yourself that you do not need to impose your views on others and they will be drinking in what you have to say.

There is this “socializing coach” from Bernardston, Massachusetts who says that being the life of the party is not about hogging the spotlight but about “engaging others.” This gentleman goes on to say that being the life of the party can be a lonely life “because you have to be willing to do extreme stunts to create memorable moments revelers will recant to their children and their children’s children.” You remember Coco the clown or the old Charlie Chaplin movies; you still recall their antics to your children and your grandchildren. That is the way you will go down in history! I rest my case.

Let’s get down to the brass-tacks. These are some of things which you should not do ever.

• Do not go dressed like Batman or Catwoman. Wear well-tailored clothes that fit you like a second skin and you are hardly conscious of wearing them.
• Do not walk into the room blowing a didgeridoo. You will look like the most priceless ass.
• Do not walk up to people and look them in the eye unless you want a poke in the eye.
• Do not circulate, making compliments to every guest. You will be spotted for a phony right away.
• Do not talk about the current situation of health care or about Iraq to show off your knowledge. It’s passé.
• Do not flirt outrageously. Flirting is an art and unless you are good at it, lay off.
• Do not talk about your investments or your adventures on the NYSE.
• Do not attempt to introduce people to one another. One small mistake of introducing a woman to her husband could end up with an egg on your face.

This is what you do to be the life of the party.

• Be confident about yourself. Remember the Talmud injunction? It says that no one can make you feel small unless you allow them to do so.
• Cast that 1000 watt smile of yours and it should come well from within you. People can spot a false smile a mile away.
• The key is lies in being interested and be interesting. This is what Katherine Hepburn once told Christopher Reeves,” Be interesting, Christopher.”
• Finally like the poet Browning once said, “Best be yourself” and you will be far more interesting that way. Simple isn’t it?

Traits Super-Confident People Have and How You Can Acquire Them

"The way you treat yourself sets the standard for others."
- Dr Sonya Friedman

Yoda, the character from Star Wars, whose reptilian smugness we have been encouraged to mistake for wisdom, is one character who oozes self-confidence and is no great shakes in the looks department. But, Yoda’s self confidence comes through his self esteem, that he is far superior to the earthlings.

Who doesn’t know Katherine Hepburn? She had oodles of self confidence. Or you name, Lauren Bacall…this lady too had it. You know, Katherine Hepburn was not an extraordinary woman to look at. But by jove, she had It. She would walk into a room and every man there would make a beeline towards her. Whether you count on Jeff Bezos, or Richard Branson…they were all just ordinary like me and you, but made the difference through their level of super confidence.

Take my word for it…Self confidence comes from self-esteem. If you think badly about yourself, it is going to come true in the way you carry yourself, the way you talk, the way you dress and the way you react to others around you. A Dior or a Versace will do nothing for you unless you are self-confident and are able to carry it off by forgetting that you are wearing them.
What is so special about super-confident people?

Believe in Yourself
Believe in your own abilities, your own strengths and weaknesses, and never be burdened by doubts.

Do Not Force Your Idea
Never force your idea or views on others for you must be so sure that others will give you a fair hearing and cone around to your way of thinking.

Take Your Stand Yourself
Do not ever seek the approval of others or sit there like a Lab, with a dumb chum look, tail-a wagging, or waiting for a doggy treat.

Don’t Be Egoistic
Do not behave like Ted Turner at all! The bloke is alleged to have said, “If I only had a little humility, I’d be perfect.”

Never Demand, but Earn Respect
A person with self-confidence does not demand his or her rights; but expect them as a matter of course. Why? Have you not seen at one of those swanky restaurants, the maître, the sommelier and the steward literally at the beck and call of a particular diner? It isn’t money talking but the bearing, the total self-esteem and Oomph (if the diner is a woman).

Smile Puts You Ahead of All
Have the hint of a smile that touches your eyes. Do not smile like Count Vlad of Drakul salivating over his midnight snack, nor do you smile like Larry Ellison. Now you get the picture, don’t you?

Never Boast of Yourself
Don’t blow your own trumpet for no one is interested in it. Lion never proclaims itself as a King of the Jungle, yet everyone knows it.

Feel Good about Yourself… But Being Self-Conscious Never Works
Be confident of the way you look. Self esteem comes from being very comfortable of the way you are as long as you are not like the guy who found himself so handsome that he took a self-portrait with a Polaroid every night before bed to preserve the moment.

Understand Your Purpose of Being
Remember, you are here for a purpose and it is up to you to discover what you mission is and start working towards achieving it.

You are Indeed Special!
Everyone is special in this world and you must be sure of your worth. That’s the secret of Super-Confident people. Brace yourself for you are indeed special!

What Do You See When You Look in the Mirror?

When you look in the mirror, is it a good experience or bad? This simple test provides a giant clue as to whether your body image is positive or negative.

If you look in the mirror and see all the elements of your body that 'aren't good enough' then you need to work on seeing your body, in all it's individual glory, through a different set of eyes.

Every woman - every person - is unique and individual, complete with quirks and imperfections, but the trick is to see the whole package and appreciate it for what it is.

You are an amazing person, whether you're big, small, short, tall, curvacious, slender, black, white, blonde, brunette, blue eyed, hazel eyed, big breasted, small breasted or any other characteristic that may set you apart.... You're YOU and that's what makes you fabulous, without any need for perfection in any area.

Humans, and women especially, tend to be so much harder on ourselves than we would be with anyone else. Consider if you met someone else who had your body and imagine how you would reassure them if they asked if you thought anything was wrong with the way they looked?

One of the most impressionable sayings I ever read was one that said "treat every person you meet as if they are wearing a flashing sign on their head saying 'MAKE ME FEEL SPECIAL'". I suggest you take this beautiful piece of advice one step further and imagine yourself wearing the same sign when you look in the mirror... you deserve it just as much as anyone else.

Self Esteem Quotes

This week I wanted to remind everyone how important self esteem is and to share with you some of my favourite quotes as a reminder...

“To wish you were someone else is to waste the person you are.”

“Why compare yourself with others? No one in the entire world can do a better job of being you than you.”

“Trust yourself. You know more than you think you do.”

“Instead of thinking about what you're missing, try thinking about what you have that everyone else is missing.”

"Do not wish to be anything but what you are, and try to be that perfectly."

"Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else."

Enjoy!

Self Esteem for Women - Don't Settle for Mr 'Not Bad'

For any woman who’s ever been out there, navigating her way through the dating game (yep – that’s most of us!), it can be challenging to decipher what’s really ‘right’ and what’s not.

For a start, in the first months of any relationship, you’re both so caught up in the ‘honeymoon’ period that you are often simply blind to any flaws the relationship, or the person you’re dating, may have. Generally, over time, as the romantic haze settles into something more real, both partners will probably start to notice the more negative side of the mate they previously thought was so perfect. In a healthy relationship, these human flaws are recognized and accepted for what they are, or if they are unacceptable to either party, they may choose to part ways.

Unfortunately I’ve seen too many women who reach a point where they are so keen to settle into the domestic bliss of a relationship, that they start lowering their standards and finding ways to justify these sub-standards to themselves. “I was being too picky anyway”, “I’m not perfect either” or “I have to be more open to people’s faults”. Whilst these statements may also be true, if they are used as a means to settle for less, or justify decisions you know deep down aren’t right, then they are only causing harm, not good.

Have you ever noticed how easy it is to justify ANY decision you really want to make? For instance, you know you shouldn’t buy that gorgeous dress that costs about a month’s rent, yet you’ve fallen so much in love and you simply “have to have it”. You start telling yourself that you really don’t have any other good red glittery dresses, and that it really is an essential part of your wardrobe (I mean, what wardrobe is complete without one?!!). You tell yourself that you’ve had a really bad week, so you deserve this dress… You’re a good person, why shouldn’t you treat yourself?! Before you know it your credit card is being swiped through a machine and that dress is in a bag, walking out the door.

We’ve all come home with an impulsive item or two in our time, but a dress is one thing… doing the same with a relationship could cost you years of your life that could otherwise have been spent blissfully happy, with someone who still makes you weak at the knees, year after year.

As tempting as it can be sometimes to convince yourself that the guy you’re dating with the lousy attitude, bad temper and belching problem can be your Mr Right, don’t settle… be happy with you first, on your own and the real Mr Right won’t help but be drawn to your strong sense of self worth and independence.

The Power of a Good Pair of Shoes

You’re having the day from hell… your kids are sick, your husband is away, work is busier than ever, you just found out your mother-in-law is coming to town and you were on hold with the telephone company for 45 minutes before they accidentally cut you off. Sound familiar?

Any fashion loving woman knows that good old retail therapy can cure the most miserable of days, but shopping for clothing has its limitations… what if you’re having a ‘fat day’? You know the one… no-one else can see a shred of difference, because to the naked eye you look exactly the same as every other day, but you feel like you must have somehow gained 20 pounds overnight. (Of course, this could just as easily be followed by a ‘skinny day’ where you’re wondering why no-one else can tell how much weight you must have dropped since yesterday, but that’s another story…)

There’s really only one cure for these days, and that’s a fantastic pair of shoes! Whether you’re keen to shop for a new pair, or to bring out the favorites from your wardrobe, a good pair of shoes can do wonders for lifting the spirit. They can add pizzazz to the most basic of outfits, and have you walking down the street like you’re on a catwalk.

If you don’t already own a pair of shoes like this, give yourself a special gift and go shopping for them. They’re not your average, comfortable, practical, go-with-anything shoes. These are the pair that you might look at longingly in the window, but decide that they’re a little too wild for you or that you don’t have anything to wear with them. That’s the magic pair you need to own!

When I need a pick me up, I wear a basic black dress, and throw on my 4” red patent leather pumps, because they always make me feel like a million dollars, regardless of how my body may be feeling. The best part is, because I’m radiating so much positivity and self esteem, people ALWAYS notice. I get compliments all the time when I’m wearing these beautiful shoes, and whilst they are definitely fabulous, I believe its moreso because I’m walking with such confidence. If I was walking down the street with my head down and my shoulders forward, I’m certain they wouldn’t have this effect.

So next time you’re having one of ‘those’ days, get out your favorite pair of shoes, and strut down the street with your hips swinging and your head held high… I guarantee you won’t be able to help but to feel great!

Self Esteem for Women

“Would you consider yourself someone with high self esteem, or low self esteem?” The natural reaction when asked a question like this may well be “high self esteem of course!”, but the truth may paint a very different picture.

Self esteem for women, especially, seems to be generally lower than it should be, and unfortunately far too often accompanied by poor body image. Why then are so many women subject to this deprecating state of mind? Perhaps it comes back to the natural laws of femininity. You see, a woman in her natural, feminine state has an in-built desire to radiate beauty. It’s the very reason that we women wear make-up, shave our legs, wax our eyebrows, love to shop, etc.

If that desire for beauty extended to finding that which we already have, it would be an absolute blessing. Unfortunately however, the unhealthy side of that desire for beauty, is in seeking it externally and creating unhealthy comparisons to others.

This damaging act of comparison is concerning enough in its own right, but consider who we are really comparing ourselves against. Whether consciously or not, we are most certainly using the media images that we’re constantly bombarded with as a benchmark for what is the ‘right’ size, body shape or look.

The problem with that is this; the women in the media - actresses, singers, models, etc – are in front of the camera for a living! Their livelihood revolves around how good they look with their faces and bodies featured up close and personal on giant screens around the world. I’m certain just about anyone in the same position would make it an absolute priority to ensure there isn’t a scrap of fat to be seen, or a single hair out of place. They have the money, the resources and, most importantly, extreme motivation to ensure that this standard is always maintained – and all too often at the cost of their health.

The other problem with using the media as a benchmark can be found in the simple act of picking up a magazine. It only takes a quick flip through the pages of any women’s fashion magazine to make even a woman with great self esteem feel like a fat pig! Between the scarily thin catwalk models, and the lighting, make up, good photography, and of course airbrushing and photoshop techniques, the end result is that we find ourselves envying a picture of a woman who isn’t even real.

In fact, for a wonderful example of what’s involved in creating the finished look of a model in a print advertisement, I highly encourage you to watch the video that Dove put together as part of their Campaign for Real Beauty.

Naturally none of this is to say that we shouldn’t care about our appearance, or enjoy making ourselves look and feel beautiful, but simply that if we must peg ourselves against a benchmark, perhaps we should consider someone more realistic.

It’s so important to keep ourselves healthy from the inside out, and that includes our mind… Don’t let these unrealistic images of beauty fool you into thinking you’re not good enough the way you are.

My tip for this is to make a list of everything you like about yourself from the inside out. In fact, one exercise I did was to go through my body parts one by one and write down why I loved them. I can assure you that when I got to my thighs, I found it a little challenging, but I managed to come up with how much I love that they are strong and carry me wherever I want to go!

Don’t let the negative thoughts creep in, they are like a cancer for your mind… find reasons to love everything about who you are, in all your fabulous individuality!

Personal Power - The Greatest Love of All?

This is an article written by my life coach sister, Sabrina Holmes

As I’m sitting down to write this article Whitney Houston is crooning about “The Greatest Love of All” (I want to say it’s the radio but sadly, I’m playing her Greatest Hits CD... I’m a sucker for a feel good song) and it’s triggered some thoughts for me. Whitney is specifically referring to the love we have for ourselves as the greatest love of all, but what does that mean exactly? We’ve all heard the old adage “you can’t really love others until you love yourself” and yet most of us struggle, in real life terms, with being comfortable saying (out loud) “I love me!”

In The Secret Bob Proctor portrays the idea of loving yourself by enthusiastically kissing his own hand! What does it feel like to be THAT sure of who you are? I can tell you right now... it feels fabulous! It’s been a crazy journey to get to where I am today but I can honestly tell you that I love who I am, I’m proud of the woman I’ve become and I’ve earned this feeling. It came through blood sweat and MANY tears. But it is SO worth it. I wouldn’t change one single part of that journey. I am truly alive everyday of my life.

Katrina (Wilton – Co-Founder of Glow Health & Wellness) and I attended a Leadership workshop in 2002 where we took part in an exercise about discovering your ‘personal power’, it was challenging and frightening and it went something like this... One by one we took turns at standing up in front of the entire group and we had to yell as loudly and strongly as possible a phrase starting with ‘I am’. It had to be something relevant for us and we had to stick with that word and keep yelling until such time as the group unanimously clapped us to sit down. If even one of them wasn’t convinced then we had to keep going. How did they measure they’re conviction? Goosebumps. Yep that’s right... goosebumps. When you come from your true place of personal power, you can really feel it and, so can those around you.

Why do I tell you this story? To invite you to step up to your own personal power. Too often I see people living luke warm lives and believing that’s all there is to it. They stop expecting things to be different because they don’t know HOW to change them. We don’t always have the answers, we don’t always know the ‘how’ (honestly, we RARELY know the answers), but that’s the joy of life! Go out there and find the answers. Don’t do your best – DO WHATEVER IT TAKES. Being happy is worth it.

My Personal Story - an Introduction

How many times have you looked in the mirror and seen something you don’t like? It happens to the best of us, we get caught up in what we ‘should’ look like. Thighs are too big, hair is too straight, too many freckles, breasts are too small… the list could go on, and for many of us it does. The question is, are you loving who you are and keen to further improve yourself, or are you getting caught in the old “I’ll be happy when…”? “I’ll be happy when I weigh only X kg”, “I’ll be happy when I get a boob job”, I’ll be happy when I have this or that done”.

The truth is that happiness isn’t a place, person, operation, destination or weight goal. Happiness is a feeling, and it’s entirely within our control as to if, and when, we feel it or not. The challenge many of us face is that we’re always searching for something externally to make us feel good rather than finding it within.

I know this, because I spent most of my life not liking what I saw in the mirror. I was Bulimic for 8 years and ALWAYS thought I was too fat. It wasn’t until I was looking back in hindsight, that I realised my problems never had anything to do with my weight. I’m 5’2” and at my very heaviest I was only 55kg (121lb), but I thought I was a huge, hideous monster. I was never happy unless I was down to 48kg (106lb), which – funnily enough – only seemed to happen when I was even more depressed, or on the ‘break up diet’ when I’d split with a partner. Most of the time I was never more than about 50kg (110lb) yet I absolutely believed that I would only be happy when these last 2kg (4.4lb) had dropped.

2kg? How could 2 measly kilograms really dictate whether or not I was happy? From the outside in, it was easy to see that I had a problem unrelated to my weight, but as the person experiencing this, it was all I could think about. In fact ‘think’ is too mild a word. I was obsessed. I would starve myself for days, only to binge on huge amounts of food which I would then purge, several times a day. This was a destructive, cyclic pattern and it was ruining my life, my relationships and my health. Even now, years later, my digestive system doesn’t function properly and I have irrepairable damage to my teeth from all the purging.

I tried everything I could think of to make the changes I knew I needed. I went to counselors, support groups, psychiatrists, nutritionists, everything… you name it, I tried it. What I hadn’t tried at that point, is to truly understand that I needed to fall in love with me, just the way I was. When I was 26, I started working one on one with Nina, a very intuitive life coach who helped me search inside myself to find the answers I was looking for.

There were many months of tears, frustration and soul searching… but eventually there was peace. I was able to understand why I was using food as an emotional crutch and what the real cause of my behaviour was. You see, the eating disorder was simply a vehicle for dealing with the real issues, and once I knew what they were, I was able to address them directly.

Today I am happy, healthy and loving who I am. I’m still human, I still have bad days, and I still have an ‘ideal weight’ that I’d like to get to… but it doesn’t dictate my life and I love myself regardless… squishy bits and all.