Self Esteem for Women - Don't Settle for Mr 'Not Bad'

For any woman who’s ever been out there, navigating her way through the dating game (yep – that’s most of us!), it can be challenging to decipher what’s really ‘right’ and what’s not.

For a start, in the first months of any relationship, you’re both so caught up in the ‘honeymoon’ period that you are often simply blind to any flaws the relationship, or the person you’re dating, may have. Generally, over time, as the romantic haze settles into something more real, both partners will probably start to notice the more negative side of the mate they previously thought was so perfect. In a healthy relationship, these human flaws are recognized and accepted for what they are, or if they are unacceptable to either party, they may choose to part ways.

Unfortunately I’ve seen too many women who reach a point where they are so keen to settle into the domestic bliss of a relationship, that they start lowering their standards and finding ways to justify these sub-standards to themselves. “I was being too picky anyway”, “I’m not perfect either” or “I have to be more open to people’s faults”. Whilst these statements may also be true, if they are used as a means to settle for less, or justify decisions you know deep down aren’t right, then they are only causing harm, not good.

Have you ever noticed how easy it is to justify ANY decision you really want to make? For instance, you know you shouldn’t buy that gorgeous dress that costs about a month’s rent, yet you’ve fallen so much in love and you simply “have to have it”. You start telling yourself that you really don’t have any other good red glittery dresses, and that it really is an essential part of your wardrobe (I mean, what wardrobe is complete without one?!!). You tell yourself that you’ve had a really bad week, so you deserve this dress… You’re a good person, why shouldn’t you treat yourself?! Before you know it your credit card is being swiped through a machine and that dress is in a bag, walking out the door.

We’ve all come home with an impulsive item or two in our time, but a dress is one thing… doing the same with a relationship could cost you years of your life that could otherwise have been spent blissfully happy, with someone who still makes you weak at the knees, year after year.

As tempting as it can be sometimes to convince yourself that the guy you’re dating with the lousy attitude, bad temper and belching problem can be your Mr Right, don’t settle… be happy with you first, on your own and the real Mr Right won’t help but be drawn to your strong sense of self worth and independence.

The Spiral of Life

It is broadly accepted that we, as human beings, can consolidate most of our experiences in life to three areas of priority: relationships, finance/career and health. Too often we’re told to find ‘balance’ between the three, but it just doesn’t work that way. Usually when one of these areas is going great guns, another area is lagging a little. This is perfectly normal and healthy and part of life’s perfect cycle. At different times during our life we focus on one of these three areas more than the other two. The trick is to not tip the scales so far that you do damage to one area while you’re madly improving the other e.g. throwing everything you have into work and leaving your loved ones wondering what you look like, or bending over backward for everyone in your life to the detriment of your health (yes moms this one is aimed at you).

Life is like an upward spiralling coil, the idea is to continue improving each area of our life so that the ‘bad’ times of each new phase are still better than the ‘good times’ of the phase before. Sometimes we drive forward madly and then it’s time for quietness, integration and just ‘being’. Learn to understand this process and work with it and you’ll begin to be much kinder to yourself. Which area are you focusing on right now and are you happy with how you’re maintaining the other two?

By Sabrina Holmes

The Power of a Good Pair of Shoes

You’re having the day from hell… your kids are sick, your husband is away, work is busier than ever, you just found out your mother-in-law is coming to town and you were on hold with the telephone company for 45 minutes before they accidentally cut you off. Sound familiar?

Any fashion loving woman knows that good old retail therapy can cure the most miserable of days, but shopping for clothing has its limitations… what if you’re having a ‘fat day’? You know the one… no-one else can see a shred of difference, because to the naked eye you look exactly the same as every other day, but you feel like you must have somehow gained 20 pounds overnight. (Of course, this could just as easily be followed by a ‘skinny day’ where you’re wondering why no-one else can tell how much weight you must have dropped since yesterday, but that’s another story…)

There’s really only one cure for these days, and that’s a fantastic pair of shoes! Whether you’re keen to shop for a new pair, or to bring out the favorites from your wardrobe, a good pair of shoes can do wonders for lifting the spirit. They can add pizzazz to the most basic of outfits, and have you walking down the street like you’re on a catwalk.

If you don’t already own a pair of shoes like this, give yourself a special gift and go shopping for them. They’re not your average, comfortable, practical, go-with-anything shoes. These are the pair that you might look at longingly in the window, but decide that they’re a little too wild for you or that you don’t have anything to wear with them. That’s the magic pair you need to own!

When I need a pick me up, I wear a basic black dress, and throw on my 4” red patent leather pumps, because they always make me feel like a million dollars, regardless of how my body may be feeling. The best part is, because I’m radiating so much positivity and self esteem, people ALWAYS notice. I get compliments all the time when I’m wearing these beautiful shoes, and whilst they are definitely fabulous, I believe its moreso because I’m walking with such confidence. If I was walking down the street with my head down and my shoulders forward, I’m certain they wouldn’t have this effect.

So next time you’re having one of ‘those’ days, get out your favorite pair of shoes, and strut down the street with your hips swinging and your head held high… I guarantee you won’t be able to help but to feel great!

Self Esteem for Women

“Would you consider yourself someone with high self esteem, or low self esteem?” The natural reaction when asked a question like this may well be “high self esteem of course!”, but the truth may paint a very different picture.

Self esteem for women, especially, seems to be generally lower than it should be, and unfortunately far too often accompanied by poor body image. Why then are so many women subject to this deprecating state of mind? Perhaps it comes back to the natural laws of femininity. You see, a woman in her natural, feminine state has an in-built desire to radiate beauty. It’s the very reason that we women wear make-up, shave our legs, wax our eyebrows, love to shop, etc.

If that desire for beauty extended to finding that which we already have, it would be an absolute blessing. Unfortunately however, the unhealthy side of that desire for beauty, is in seeking it externally and creating unhealthy comparisons to others.

This damaging act of comparison is concerning enough in its own right, but consider who we are really comparing ourselves against. Whether consciously or not, we are most certainly using the media images that we’re constantly bombarded with as a benchmark for what is the ‘right’ size, body shape or look.

The problem with that is this; the women in the media - actresses, singers, models, etc – are in front of the camera for a living! Their livelihood revolves around how good they look with their faces and bodies featured up close and personal on giant screens around the world. I’m certain just about anyone in the same position would make it an absolute priority to ensure there isn’t a scrap of fat to be seen, or a single hair out of place. They have the money, the resources and, most importantly, extreme motivation to ensure that this standard is always maintained – and all too often at the cost of their health.

The other problem with using the media as a benchmark can be found in the simple act of picking up a magazine. It only takes a quick flip through the pages of any women’s fashion magazine to make even a woman with great self esteem feel like a fat pig! Between the scarily thin catwalk models, and the lighting, make up, good photography, and of course airbrushing and photoshop techniques, the end result is that we find ourselves envying a picture of a woman who isn’t even real.

In fact, for a wonderful example of what’s involved in creating the finished look of a model in a print advertisement, I highly encourage you to watch the video that Dove put together as part of their Campaign for Real Beauty.

Naturally none of this is to say that we shouldn’t care about our appearance, or enjoy making ourselves look and feel beautiful, but simply that if we must peg ourselves against a benchmark, perhaps we should consider someone more realistic.

It’s so important to keep ourselves healthy from the inside out, and that includes our mind… Don’t let these unrealistic images of beauty fool you into thinking you’re not good enough the way you are.

My tip for this is to make a list of everything you like about yourself from the inside out. In fact, one exercise I did was to go through my body parts one by one and write down why I loved them. I can assure you that when I got to my thighs, I found it a little challenging, but I managed to come up with how much I love that they are strong and carry me wherever I want to go!

Don’t let the negative thoughts creep in, they are like a cancer for your mind… find reasons to love everything about who you are, in all your fabulous individuality!